Monday, February 3, 2014

Unconditional Love

Pushing through the doors, my eyes caught my pillows on opposite positions on my bed as well as the blankets almost touching the ground. Also, my shoes on different locations the same mess I made before I left to work. I fixed, put them on the right places and piled my pillows then folded the blanket. I changed my violet lacy blouse and skinny jeans with more comfortable clothes like short and shirt then lay to my bed. On my single-sized bed covered with a perfectly knitted dark purple quilt, all I could hear is the dazzling sound of the fan opposite to my head which is clipped on the wooden slats at the end of the bed frame and feeling my tired back on the softness of the quilt. I could feel the rush of air from the fan staring at me that reminds me of my exhausted day. I closed my eyes gradually and my family member’s faces flashed on me, especially my mother. I remembered the time when I was in Primary, my mother would choose the perfect Sunday’s best dress and I put them on. I would cling on her arms as we walk to the church which is a few blocks away from our home. In the sacrament hall, my eyes was nailed on our opposite row- a picture of a happy family who sang hymns. The father held the hymnbook and shares it to his family, encircled his arms to them as if protecting them from any sudden accident. I’ve never seen my father in such manner, but my mother did. Tears ran my cheeks. My parents were married for almost 20 years now; in those past years up until now I don’t have any idea with their love story. How and when they met, how and when things started were some basic questions but so hard to answer. I heard some theories and stories from one of my close Aunt but that doesn’t prove anything. The reason why I really wanted to know how things started to them because I want to know why my mother married my father that cause not only to her but to me and my siblings a lot of trouble and hatred to the world. I’ve heard that my mother is a youth leader and a teacher in Primary. She is an active, smart, and kind young woman in the church with a perfect circle of friends. My father, on the other side, had different beliefs. As far as I could tell today they were two completely different people. My mother is a gentle one but my father is the wild-track. She is an innocent, patient and loving woman while he is a proud, aggressive, selfish and an immature man. I don’t know how they find each other. Based on my aunt’s story, my mother married my father to run away from the past, to keep out from my grandfather who happens to have the same attitude as my father but too bad for her, the future is even worst. I remember once, my father would arrived home drunk, swaying while walking and involve in a lot of trouble. He’s getting into my nerves. We lived in that kind of life. All my life, I would scream, cry out loud and even treating him in the most disrespectful way I could have done. My mother and I stopped attending the church when I was, I thought, 10 years old. I don’t know what happen or how things went out but I know that there’s a deeper reason behind that. Until I was 13 years old, when two sister missionaries knocked on our door and smiled gracefully then invited us again to the church. When I went to Church again, this time all alone, I could see familiar faces from the Primary class then now to the Youth class. I was so shy that time that I would attend the Primary class instead the youth class. I could laugh as hard as I remember those things but everything changes when I met some friends in the youth class and began attending the church activity. I joined many youth conferences and I could say that my youth years were fulfilling. Even though, my classmates in high school would say that my life is boring and odd but still they’re not sure of it cause time will guarantee it. Through the gospel in my life, I fully understand why this was the life that was given to me. How things didn't turned out to be exactly what I want it to be. Also, the answer to why my mother chose to stay besides my father in his very crucial situation. I wiped my tears out. I understand why my mother keeps on understanding my father over and over again. I know why mother keeps on holding on to my father’s way of living. She wants us to teach how to love unconditionally in a virtues way. She wants us to help others not because we had pity on them but because we love them. My mother showed me how to be like the Savior when some Priest brought to Him the woman who committed adultery. The priests told Him that the woman should be slain because she disobeys the commandments. I love how the Savior responded in the situation. He draw something on the sand and pick up a stone then turned to the people and said, “If any of you is not sinned let her cast a stone first to her.” One by one they left. They left because they know that they were a sinner once. Leaving the Savior facing to the woman and said, “Woman, where are they persecutors?” The woman answered with teary eyes, “No man Lord.” The Lord then said,” Neither do I therefore go, repent and sin no more!” It’s very amazing how the Savior easily forgets and forgives those who repent sincerely. Through reading the scripture, I was able to learn how to love my father besides of his actions because I also make mistakes that’s offensive and loving to accept the flaws that he had. My mother means so much to me. She’s my life and I don’t know what my world would be without her and also without the gospel in my life that she imparts to me. My father is a great man as he is because through him I know how to say No! to liquors, cigarettes, and drugs firmly. I knew how to weigh things. And, because of him, I knew how to look out for the consequences in every choice that we made. He is an inspiration while tracking these roads. My family is my everything. Through writing this article, I am confident that we as an imperfect family can be made perfect through the Savior in our lives. I love them so much and also the Savior who has given me this knowledge and wisdom to live in this earth full of consciousness and doubts. I love the church who feed me with nourishing food to conquer the trials and temptations in life. I wiped my tears again that continually flowing to my pillow. I closed my eyes completely and fall fast asleep.

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